Stick a Fork In Me - I'm Well Overdone.

Is there a word that means more than exhausted? If so, we may be the definition of that word. It's 6:42 am and Sean is already off to court after a brief visit home last night to watch some tv, bathe Milo, walk the dog, and sleep. That's how it's been every night for the past 4 weeks besides that most nights he's not home early enough to help put Milo down. And how it's going to be for 4 more weeks, possibly.

And, on top of this, I'm still sleep-training Milo and for some reason it only worked one fluke night again. I've been up since 6 and then before that from about 2:40 until 4. And it feels like all I ever hear anymore are tired whine-cries. Every time I think there's progress, I get booted right back to square one.

What was I thinking doing so many chores yesterday? It's not like they're getting noticed. There's already garbage everywhere, dishes in the sink, and another load of laundry to go in before I've even folded the last one and it just makes me tired to think about it.

I do try to get out. We have some playdates scheduled and I go shopping fairly regularly, but at this point it's just more draining sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't still enjoy it or that the people I see are tiring, it's just like when you take too much of one medication and it stops doing its job.

It really could be worse, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck hardcore right now. Our bodies hurt, we're all so tired, and the light at the end of the tunnel is still so dim. We're hoping to go on a little getaway when he's done, so at least there's a little something to look forward to in probably April.

Someone save us.
Miss Ellen

Hump Day

I am for real praying that this is the hump days of hump days because it might be the dead middle of this trial (meaning, of course, the judicial trial Sean is a part of, not a trial of life. Although you could probably call it that.) and it can all be downhill from here. But that's of course entirely possibly going to change. Unfortunately. As far as I know about this, it will likely go another week.

And so, I'm missing Sean a lot. And so is Milo. We're all more than ready for this to be over. Last weekend was a rough one because it wasn't exactly relaxing because Sean was still gone all of Sunday and was in the garage working on the car a lot on Saturday. And we're - hopefully - at the end of a long sleep-training period. He slept through the night on Monday night and then only woke up once for 22 minutes last night, which is a huge improvement.

Anyway, needless to say, there have been plenty of tears shed. Largely by Milo (seeing as he's a baby. (What a baby!)) but still. It's rough. Tonight he is projected to get home "before 9". L

However! Milo is a rocking crawler. He's now capable of exiting rooms on his own - hello baby gates. He also just loves waving his arms all over, so watch your faces because he definitely might punch them inadvertently.

Other than that, we're just pulling through.

OH. And I started a twitter account. Mostly it's just condensed mom-rants, but you're welcome to follow! @donnermom

Love,
Miss Ellen

In The Midst of It

2 1/2 weeks of jury duty down, 3 1/2 to go (give or take). We're nice and burnt out by now, if you can imagine. But I try to shake things up pretty regularly by writing surprise messages on the bathroom mirror or having a nice dessert ready when Sean gets home, going shopping with Milo, or going on walks with the dog and boy. I hope to go to a park later today with the kids and hopefully all goes well there. It's starting to get nice and spring-y here so we're really itching to get out.

Also we're in the midst of sleep-training. And although things started out kinda rough, I really feel like there's progress being made! Here is the article where I got most of the ideas I'm trying to implement.
Basically:

• We have a routine and wind-down time before each sleep period including reading books, singing or listening to slow songs, cuddling as much as Milo wants, and ocean noises. 
• I sit in the rocker within his view and sing a couple more songs then just sit quietly while he gets comfortable.
• No more picking him up at night because that just wakes him up more. 
• At night, I go in and do similar to the normal routine but sometimes give him a smaller bottle if he's going crazy.

He fell asleep without any rocking or much fussing for the first time just now and I'm on cloud 9! I'm so praying that it's actually progress and not just a fluke. It took me about 30 minutes both times he woke up last night to put him back down and that's not bad compared to the 40 minutes it was taking to rock him and feed him before. Plus he's eating more during the day so night feedings should be unnecessary besides to calm him down. YAY! 

This weekend we're putting a hitch on the car (something Sean's wanted to do for a while, plus our car is already super prepared for it) in preparation for our first road trip/camping excursion this summer. I can't tell you how much I've research and researched and planned and made lists already and it's still like 4 1/2 months away. I have a list of ideas for things to include in future lists. I know camping with a baby is a tricky thing, especially since we'll already be so far away from home, so I want to be super-ready for it. We're renting a camper because, honestly, I'm not a great fan of camping and anything to make it better I will do. Plus baby reasons. 

I'm always excited for trips to MN but this will be our first time driving with a baby! Good news is, though, that he is a really good car sleeper, so the first 12 hours of driving (hahahaha I know) will - hopefully - be a breeze and the next ~10 won't be bad. Plus, if anything happens, we have a spare day planned in case we need to stay in a hotel for a night and we've done this trip without a kid several times so we know the way pretty well. And Strider is coming along, so we'll just have to see. 

I'm super excited to see all our friends and family! All the Donner kids haven't been together ever with all the spouses and kids, so it's going to be extra exciting! We love family! And Milo just keeps getting more fun every day so I can only imagine what kinds of things he'll be doing. #yikes

PLUS! It's going to be Milo's 1st BIRTHDAY! WHAT?! How is that coming so fast? I almost can't even handle it. He's starting to push himself forward (not exactly crawling because it's with his toes and more of an army crawl) and be mad when I take things away from him. He gets sad almost every night we have to leave dad at work for a few more hours after dinner.

Anyway, I'm sure you're done hearing about how over the moon I am about this kid. HAH. I love him. And You.

Love, Miss Ellen

P.S. I FORGOT TO MENTION! Milo is getting ANOTHER cousin in just a couple months! Congrats, Jeremiah and Kayla! We can't wait for Baby Boy!

Braided Lovelies

Hey, guys! My friend Liahona Patterson has a pretty adorable etsy company called Braided Lovelies and she makes some super cute binky clips. Milo doesn't actually take a binky, but they've been awesome with his teethers. Especially when I'm out grocery shopping and don't exactly want him chewing on the cart (hello, gross) or even if we're just out and I don't want to lose that ever-handy chew giraffe. (Momtip: use the clip as a noose necklace for certain giraffe teethers. They don't get lost as fast that way.)

Anyway, I definitely think all of you need them because they go with seriously all the outfits and are really durable. See?

So cute. Also, they come in so many colors!

Hey, Ellen? What does it mean that the giveaway ends tomorrow? THERE'S A GIVEAWAY!? 
Yes. The answer is yes.
What do I do to get one of these ridiculously adorable clips? My baby needs one pronto!
Well you're in luck.
Just follow these super easy steps!:

Step one: follow braidedlovelies on Instagram 

Step two: like the original giveaway photo 

Step three: tag 3 friends (tagging more than three friends will increase your odds). 

If you can't wait to get your hands on some lovelies visit us on Etsy. All binky clips are on sale for $6. Link in bio or search: braidedlovelies on Etsy.
The winner will be announced on Valentine's Day!

Good Luck!

Go ahead. Do it. Milo loves his and it's a serious lifesaver in car or store or church or outside situations. Basically anytime. Seriously, go.

OH. Here's a link: Braided Lovelies.

NOW GO!
Love, Miss Ellen

February 2016

Hi, all! Sorry for the long wait between posts (sheesh, a whole month? whoops...), we've been in the midst of some difficulties (a little ppd, a f'reals baby cold, and a good touch of lazy/tired) and yesterday was the start of the longest, most difficult challenge we will have dealt with in our marriage, thus far.

Sean has been selected for a 4-6 week long jury duty and the trial started yesterday. He's gone from a little before 7 am until close to 8 pm (or later, depending) every day and we only get to see him when we meet up for dinner around 6:30. Then he'll come home between 7:30 and 8 on good days and then we'll put Milo to bed immediately. He'll even have to work at least a little every Saturday so he can be sure to get his work done.

We're really trying to count our blessings here, seeing as we really don't have another choice. We'll get a little extra money from jury duty and our tax return, we'll be able to pay a bunch of bills off, we can still see each other at night and at dinner, and we're just going to keep making it work. If that means long days and a quick ice cream treat before bed, so be it.

Other than that, we're doing okay. Milo is seriously growing tooooo fast. He's started munching on little puffy treats and toast, making plenty of word-noises, laughing in funny situations (and feet... weird kid), rolling and rolling and rolling and rolling, and falling asleep all on his own (and on his tummy without a swaddle no less)!

His teeth still haven't cut, which is obnoxious for all of us, but they're right there and you can feel them. Hopefully they cut soon because I definitely think it's affecting his night sleep.

In all honesty, I don't think I'd make it as a single mom. First because I like Sean WAY too much, but also because I love being a stay-at-home mom a ton too and I don't think I want to go back to work for a good while.

Anyway, I'm going to go eat a drumstick and watch tv until Sean gets home.
Love, Miss Ellen

Half Birthday Update!

Milo is the big 6 months today! Here are some things about him:

• He's sleeping well through the night with only 1-2 feedings.
• He loves to chew on absolutely anything. Especially plastic cups.
• He is a rolly-polly kid now! I think I've seen him go 3 or 4 consecutive rolls just today. 
• He always is willing to taste new things. He loves ketchup. We haven't really found a fruit he loves but we'll keep up the search.
• He is definitely in 6-9 month or just 9 month clothes and fits in some 12 month stuff. 
• He's getting really good at sitting up on his own! 
• His highchair is definitely a great chill zone.
• He is super interested in the animals and we can't wait to take him to the zoo this summer. 

We took some super cute pictures of him for his half birthday. He's seriously photogenic.

I'll upload more as I get them edited.

As for the holidays, we were busier than cuss but had a really great few weeks spending some much needed time with our family. Milo has been a real trooper with all these non-routine days and random naps but hopefully we'll get back into the swing of things soon.

Milo slept all through the night on Christmas Eve Eve and it was a Christmas MIRACLE! (He's done it before, but it's been a while.)

-----
So I did write that on his actual half birthday but you know... Whatever. Now it's nearly midnight, Milo's been awake for about an hour and wouldn't stop crying in his sleep for 2 hours before that and I've tried a trillion things to try and get him back to sleep. I guess this is what we get for straying from normalcy for so long.

The moral of this story is STICK TO THE ROUTINE: GET HIM TO BED ON TIME.
I said he was a trooper? More like we both were. And now I'm paying for it in lost sleep and streams of mental swear words.

Send prayers that we can get back to things or else someone will soon be consumed in the belly of unhealthy eating and uncontrollable laziness. (that would be me.)

On Formula Feeding: MY STORY

I've been sitting on this thought for maybe a month now and it's been weighing heavily. Bear with me.

Yes, I feed my child formula.
No, he won't die because of it.
Yes, he still loves me.
No, I'm not against breastfeeding.

It really all started in the hospital when multiple lactation consultants and nurses came and shoved my hours-old baby's face into my boob while he just continued to scream. He would suck for maybe 30 seconds and then fall off and continue to cry. They tried sugar water, nipple shields, every position imaginable, all pillows, no pillows, he was checked for tongue-tied, all to no avail. Our second night there, they left him with me in the middle of the night to try and nurse without help. After so long trying to get it to work, I guess they just thought we had to muddle through it alone. We tried and fell asleep and then tried and then slept back and forth for maybe 5 hours. It wasn't pretty. At maybe 4 in the morning, we gave up and gave him a bottle.

I had to continue to tell myself it was okay as long as he was eating. It was hard. I was beyond exhausted and so was Milo.

When we got home, I kept trying to nurse and he kept falling off all the time but we got up to maybe 20 minutes of nursing at a certain point, after my milk came in. He ate and was still hungry. So we had no choice but to continue to supplement.

Long story short, I kept trying to nurse, we kept having to supplement. We bought the wrong formula which made him constipated and even less comfortable nursing until he just wouldn't even try anymore, just scream at my boob for however long till I just gave up and fed him from a bottle.

My heart broke. I knew all the benefits of nursing and I really wanted the best for him. I sobbed over it. I prayed about it. I fretted over it for weeks. And I had to just come to one conclusion, really.

I know what you're thinking. "UH, PUMPING?" and yeah. I tried that too. But honestly, I'd rather spend time playing and taking care of Milo than confined to a pump for however long only to get less than enough for even one feeding. It just wasn't worth it.

So I only have a few things to say on the topic generally.

WHY should it matter how I feed my child? Why do I feel so awful every time someone says anything on the subject, no matter how offensive they're being, even if they're not being offensive at all? I shouldn't have to feel the need to defend myself for making sure my baby is being fed. That's ridiculous. With all the hype of breastfeeding and negativity associated with formula, it just makes moms who are trying so hard to do their best feel so needlessly guilty.

And although there are trillions of benefits to breastfeeding, formula feeding has it's perks too. I can easily let someone else feed Milo if I'm unavailable. I get to sleep a little longer sometimes because Sean can take him for a shift. I can leave Milo with a babysitter without worrying if I've pumped enough. I don't feel like my eating habits need to be altered if he's having a gassy day (also known as I can more easily pinpoint why he's having tummy trouble).

Go ahead, breastfeed in public if you're so inclined. Pump exclusively. Nurse privately. Formula feed from birth. WHATEVER. Seriously, you shouldn't have to explain how you feed your kid as long as they're being loved and cared for. Isn't that all that really matters when they're all grown up? I don't think I know a single person who is mad at their parent for feeding them a certain way when they were an infant. That would just be a waste of so much time and energy.

I still have sad days where I wish I was nursing. I do miss breastfeeding sometimes even though it hurt way more than I ever imagined and was just so difficult. But I do feel better about things now that I can just focus on being a mom and making both of us happy rather than how uncomfortable we both are. I try really hard not to get offended when people bring up the fact that I'm not nursing, but it's really difficult. Even if they don't mean anything by it, it sort of feels like an attack sometimes. I know plenty of breastfeeders who aren't judging me but it's still not the easiest thing to talk about.

And I keep saying that I'll try harder with the next baby but I'm not going to be mad at myself or my baby if it still just doesn't work. If that's how it must be for us to have a happier life, then that's what's going to happen.

And we will both be better for it.

As I was writing this, I found a really great blog that helps people in my situation feel less alone:
http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com/
It's so nice to know I'm not on my own in this because it sure feels like it.

Thanks for reading. I'm so happy to get it off my chest.
Love, Miss Ellen

P.S. -  MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I'll post about Milo's first holidays once things settle down. We've still got family in town and have been seriously busy the past few weeks.