Disclaimer: If you don't want to hear (read) church-talk, you'd better stop reading here. Thanks for visiting anyway!
Moving on. I don't post a lot of church things on here (I have my reasons), but last night I had a somewhat profound experience that really boosted my testimony a few notches that I thought I might share (plus it's good to have these things written down for the future).
It was 1:30 in the morning and a teething Milo had fallen asleep on my chest again after a dose of pain-killer/fever-reducer, a small bottle, some singing, a change of jammies, and a whole lot of wailing (all this started as soon as Sean fell asleep about 3 hours earlier, after having assisted me with the meds). I was almost certain I could lay him down without too much fuss and go back to my own bed, so I went for it. He started squirming as soon as I stood up and only relaxed slightly after I'd put him down. I started to sneak for the door when he started up fussing again. I stood over his crib, patted his back and just started crying.
I was so tired. He was so tired. I had no other ideas of what to do, so I crumbled. I collapsed with my head in my hands on the rocker and just started pleading with God to help put Milo back to sleep and let him not be so in pain. After a couple minutes of that, Milo had fallen asleep in his crib on his own (thank goodness we'd already sleep-trained him a few weeks ago) and I could finally go back to bed.
As I crawled under the covers for the 4th time that night (long story), I had a vision of Heavenly Father sitting in my rocker holding Milo like I was just holding him and Milo was perfectly content and asleep, no aching whatsoever. Of course I broke into tears again, thanking Him for helping take care of Milo.
I realized that He has the same love for us as we do for our children, the difference is that he can feel that for every single person ever in the history or future of the world. That's beyond my imagination. I don't even know anyone, aside from truly loving everyone. Plus he has the omnipotence to truly know exactly what everyone is doing always and somehow has the time to come and embrace my little boy in a time of need. It's unfathomably incredible. I am so lucky.
Having watched General Conference this past weekend, I had been spoon-fed exactly what I needed but couldn't quite swallow it until last night. When we both woke up (thankfully, 8 hours later), I put on one of the talks I'd missed from the women's session that I didn't attend because I didn't know about it, and it just reaffirmed exactly what I needed to hear.
It was
Cheryl A. Esplin's talk on service this morning that brought me to tears (again, I know).
"One woman who took care of her invalid husband explained, 'Don't think of your task as a burden; think of it as an opportunity to learn what love really is.'" Even when I was overwhelmed last night, He had the patience with me to show me what true love really is.
I know that my Heavenly Father is watching over me always and is constantly aware of my struggles and my triumphs. I know that as soon as I come unto him, He will help me and show me what I need to know. I have a powerful testimony of prayer. Sean and I struggled for 11 months to have a baby and as soon as we started praying together every night, we were blessed with Milo. I know that he puts obstacles in our paths to grow together and learn, so that we're always progressing and not just sitting stagnant. I know that whatever He has told our prophet is true and even if it is difficult to understand right now, we can take comfort in knowing that he knows exactly what he's doing and we don't have to.
Milo is crying again and it might be time for some more medicine.
Love, Miss Ellen.
